So I had that recurring dream last night – the one where I foolishly leave my handbag unattended and moments later my wallet is gone…it happens and then I’m completely lost, set adrift. It’s not so much the money I’m worried about; it’s the driver’s license, the credit cards.
Everything I use to prove I really am who I say I am.
It’s a dream that occurs each time I place another big chunk of my trust in Spirit.
It’s a not-so-friendly shorthand reminder from my unconscious ego mind. A way of warning myself to back off, to quit pushing beyond my egoic comfort zone. To stop trying to see the world through the eyes of Spirit.
Because if I’m learning to trust in Spirit’s interpretation of the world, that means I’m withdrawing part of my belief from the ego mind’s version of the story.
The dream’s details change but the essence is always the same: It’s saying: Better be careful – you’re playing with fire. Get too close to Oneness and you’ll lose your identity for good.
And God knows, that’s a terrifying thought.
But is it true? Of course not.
To reconnect with Oneness is to remember our own truest state. Our real identity. And when we remember what we really are, we will also remember that we are completely safe. Infinitely peaceful. Totally free.
It’s our ego mind that’s in danger of losing the false identity it’s so carefully constructed to hide the truth of what we really are.
But knowing all this intellectually doesn’t really mean anything; when push comes to shove, I for one still thoroughly believe I’m a separate person with an individual mind, living in a 3-D world with lots of other folks in the same predicament.
Until I know and believe in my heart that we’re all One, these teachings of non-duality are all just blah blah blah. And as long as that’s true, then on the deepest unconscious level, the thought of attaining Oneness will continue to be terrifying.
Because who will I be if there’s no more me?
Actually, Spirit has taught me quite a lot on this subject. I freaked out about it in a fairly big way, back when I first realized what a return to Oneness would really entail (see page 190 of my book, in a story aptly titled ‘Freakout’).
That was back in 2006. Since then Spirit has taught me to look closely at the mask identity that the ego provides – the false ‘me’ belonging to each one of us. To really notice how all of us settle for daily unease as a fact of life; to realize that none of us are able to find truly lasting happiness or peace in this world.
We settle, in short, for an ill-fitting meat suit instead of the perfect identity that’s really ours.
There we are. It’s the human condition.
But for those of us who aspire to wake up from this dream of separation, our work is cut out for us: We know we can’t ‘give up’ this individual identity while we still believe in it and find it valuable. Trying is a waste of time – it just doesn’t work that way.
But by allowing Spirit to teach us and gently heal our perception of the world, then our perception of ourselves begins to heal as well.
Until finally, one day we realize that the mask self is nothing at all. It has no value so we willingly let it go – and just like that, it’s gone.
Oh sure, the meat suit is still here, but we’re not fooled by it anymore. We know it isn’t really us. It’s just a vehicle for walking around expressing the truth that we’ve become awakened to: That the state of Oneness is True Self, and no other identity is needed.
Yeah, I greatly look forward to knowing all this with my heart instead of my head.
But in the meantime, has anybody seen my wallet?
Forgiveness vs Denial – The Rogers & Hammerstein version
[pinit]
I was recently asked this question: ‘When A Course in Miracles talks about forgiveness, it says we should overlook the terrible thing that’s going on, and tell ourselves it isn’t really happening. But isn’t that just denial?’
Nope. And I’ll tell you why.
But first, let’s back this up for a minute and take a look at what the world means when it talks about denial.
For this, we’ll take a brief detour into the land of movie musicals. Let’s say you’re a small 19th century boy, and your ship has just landed in Siam. The badass bare-chested chief of security boards the boat and prepares to escort you to the palace of the king.
Holy crap.
Terrified, you turn to your mother who offers this sage advice:
Whenever I feel afraid
I hold my head erect
And whistle a happy tune
And no one will suspect I’m afraid.
She concludes by saying that once she’s fooled everyone else into believing she’s unafraid, she finds she’s fooled herself as well. So now she’s no longer afraid.
Or how about this:
You’re a tiny Austrian kid and you’re scared of thunderstorms. So you fly into Fraulein Maria’s bedroom and leap onto the fluffy white coverlet, hoping for reassurance. And the good Fraulein doesn’t disappoint:
When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I’m feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don’t feel so bad.
The thunderstorm is still raging, but you’re so busy thinking about brown paper packages tied up with strings that you’ve forgotten all about it. At least until the next big thunderclap.
So, in essence, these heroines of the modern musical are both offering the same dreadful advice: Don’t look down at that nightmarish hole beneath your feet. Don’t listen to the horrifying growls of the beast as it plays on your darkest fears.
Instead, grab a rusty, half-rotted plank and throw it across the gap. Stand in the middle of the plank, close your eyes, put your fingers in your ears and repeat after me at the top of your lungs:
LAH-LAH-LAH-LAH-LAH-LAH-LAH-LAH…
So yeah, that’s denial as the world employs it. Not exactly an effective coping mechanism for blotting out pain and fear. The pain and fear are only temporarily disguised, and the source of the pain and fear remains intact.
On the other hand, when A Course in Miracles talks about forgiveness and denial, it’s using denial in a completely different way.
It says: ‘Look down. See that yawning hole beneath your feet? It isn’t real, you know. You made it up. And although you’re tempted right now to be frightened or angry because you believe the monster in that hole is real, you’re completely mistaken.
There is nothing “down there” to get you. There is only one joyous, perfect Self, and you’re it. Look past the illusory image of the hole and its contents, to the loving reality of Heaven.
By choosing to see its Heavenly reality instead of the nightmare story you’ve told yourself about it, you are helping to heal your own perception of that hole. And by looking beyond the frightening image of that dark pit to the light beyond it, you help to dissolve the illusory pit itself.
Deny your dark illusions and trust in Heaven’s truth instead. This is the sure path to peace and safety.’
Ok, so it doesn’t rhyme and isn’t filmed in glorious Cinemascopic Technicolor.
But it works.
Five paragraphs that say it all
A dear friend recently shared this poem with me. If I could only write with such perfectly abbreviated clarity as this, my own book would’ve been approximately 351 pages shorter.
Autobiography in Five Short Chapters
Chapter 1
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost … I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter 2
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter 3
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
Chapter 4
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
Chapter 5
I walk down another street.
~ Portia Nelson