I hear a Voice. That’s about it, really.
I didn’t always; the first time I heard that Voice was when my best friend Johnny opened his Buddhist altar to show me what was inside. As those altar doors swung wide, visible waves of sparkly, effervescent joy tumbled out to greet me, followed by a crystal clear Voice that spoke out loud inside my head.
And the Voice said:
LONG TIME NO SEE.
Okaaay. I was a dark and snarky 27 year-old club kid at the time, but that Voice was hard to ignore, so I let it lead me on a breathtaking journey of spiritual discovery that continues to this day.
But unexpected as it was at the time, the arrival of that Voice was not my first brush with Crazy. As a child I was tormented nightly by light-filled ghosts. And I never could predict when time might stutter or stop without warning, or when spatial blips might cause buildings or whole city blocks to appear or disappear at will. I never really doubted my own sanity; the likelier explanation was just that the universe hated me.
Although my brain sometimes seemed to work differently from the brains of others, I just thought it meant I was weird. Or spacey. Or maybe low blood sugar-y.
I never possessed the understanding or the vocabulary until very recently to call these things what they were: Visions. Trances. Out of body experiences. And nobody was more surprised than me to realize, decades after the fact, that those light-filled ghosts weren’t ghosts at all. And they most definitely did not hate me.
I was always deeply ashamed and afraid of my weirdness. My differentness. But now at this advanced stage of life I say: Screw it. This is what I am. This is what I do. I get messages from Spirit, and I pass them on. So this is me, giving notice that I’m officially out of the spiritual closet.
My book (besides being the story of how all this came to be) is filled with messages from Spirit, and you’re welcome to ‘em. And I’ll keep passing those messages along as I receive them, for anyone who’s interested.
To paraphrase Deepak: I’ll just be singing in the shower. Y’all are welcome to listen at the door if you choose.
Just don’t peek in the keyhole. That would be creepy.
Loved it and looking forward to reading more from you.
Thank you!! After a lifetime of living in fear of what others might think/do if they knew, I can barely express my gratitude for such simple kindness. Bless you.
Aloha Carrie, It was great to meet you via the phone. Looking forward to your book being finished. It’s going to be a fun read if it’s anything like this post. Many blessings.
Well, today I am going to begin reading your book. I told myself that I would read every blog page first, so here I am. (I already read several of them, backwards…oh goofy me, as Mary Tyler Moore would say on her show…)
Good start! Loving this blog! What else can I do as I am only Love!
Like ya,
Triskana
Just discovered you and the book via Facebook. Have enjoyed the excerpts. Laugh out loud funny and – well, mmm… grabbing, too! Just read this first post and wanted to say “good for you” on your approximate one year anniversary of coming out of the spiritual closet. I’ll be ordering the book this week (waiting for a check)and am really looking forward to reading it!
Thanks, Rob! Yes, it’s been a year and what a year it’s been. All good though, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Thanks for reaching out to say hi!
I discovered you and your book through the Crash Course podcast and have just finished the book. What a ride you have had. Your mention of Brennen Healing Science sparked somehting in me and I remembered seeing an article about it in a local health magazine. I am going for my first Brennen work today, to celebrate my birthday. Thanks for the inspiration.
Happy birthday, Ed! 🙂
Carrie,
Wow, another ACIM student that admits she hates(or thinks she hated)people. I thought there were only a few of us out here! Thanks for your honesty. I just discovered you and haven’t read the book yet, but that will be correctd soon.
After 27 years of ACIM and running up against my own brick wall of resistance, I found that Byron Katie’s work has been helpful – the two teachings seem to dovetail nicely. For those of us who are still too fearful of the type of communication you have experienced, baby steps are needed.
It is nice to have your voice being heard. I applaud you for your courage and I am grateful for your honesty.
Peace
Welcome, Cynthia! 🙂
I agree, Byron Katie’s work flows beautifully with the teachings of the Course. Especially the book “Question your thinking, change the world.’ Love that one. And hooray for the baby steps!
love,
C.
I just want to thank you for your wonderful blog.
As I have been prompted recently by my inner voice to start my own blog and have reacted with much fear to this, I keep coming back over and over to your early blog entries where you describe how you dealt with the fear of vulnerability in the beginning.
Only now can I truly begin to appreciate your courage.
Your work has had a huge impact for me. The sharing of your personal stories is priceless.